Go Your Own Way
by Jackie Mag
Summary: What would have happened if Justin HAD gone away to Dartmouth for college?  How would his life and Brian's have changed?  There are a lot of men to meet in school … and what about the special guy that Justin brings home?  AU story.
1. Ch 1 The Sendoff

_This is a part AU, part canon story. Suppose the show took place as is, but with the twist that Justin does, indeed, decide to go away to college. He actually chooses Dartmouth. Brian will encourage Justin to date around, but how will that end up for the two of them?_

_Paragraphs of the story that are in italics are per the series … events that happened during the show. The characters appear out of character as I saw fit for the situation. I tried to keep the characters as close to original as possible._

_All characters are owned by Cowlip and Showtime. _

Go Your Own Way

Loving you isn't the right thing to do  
>How can I ever change things that I feel?<br>If I could maybe I'd give you my world  
>How can I when you won't take it from me?<p>

You can go your own way! Go your own way.  
>You can call it another lonely day, another lonely day.<br>You can go your own way! Go your own way.

Tell me why everything turned around?  
>Packing up, shacking up's all you wanna do.<br>If I could, baby I'd give you my world.  
>Open up, everything's waiting for you.<p>

You can go your own way! Go your own way.  
>You can call it another lonely day, another lonely day.<br>You can go your own way! Go your own way. "Go Your Own Way" by Fleetwood Mac

**College advice: April 2001**

_Justin had been accepted at Dartmouth and his father was pushing him to get a business degree, although the young man was also accepted at Pittsburgh Institute for Fine Arts and was interested in studying art. Then Justin found out that his parents were getting a divorce and he blamed himself. He reconsidered PIFA for Dartmouth. Brian confronted Justin at Babylon and told him that going to Dartmouth just to please his parents was fucked up. He told Justin that he should do what HE wants._

Justin researched Dartmouth again and the degrees available. He decided to study in the Film & Media Studies department, going for a degree that he could apply towards a job in television or video production. It would still involve art, but with more of a business minded bend to it. His father agreed to Justin's choice as being a more practical application of his artistic interests. The acceptance letter was sent in and plans were made for Justin to attend in the fall.

**Prom: June 2001**

_Justin attended his senior prom with Daphne as his date. Brian surprised him by showing up and dancing with him. After the 'ridiculously romantic' dance and kiss goodnight, Justin was walking through the parking garage when Chris Hobbes came up behind him and hit him with a baseball bat. Justin was in a coma for two weeks. Brian visited the hospital every night to stand vigil over his young friend, although Justin never knew he was there. After Justin recovered enough to return home, his mom Jennifer asked Brian to stay away from him. But, after a while, Jennifer could see that the only way that Justin would recover was if he was to be with Brian. Justin moved back in with Brian and they worked together on his recovery._

**Community College: August 2001**

Because Justin was still undergoing physical therapy and recovering from his attack, the decision was made that he should take his first few college courses at a community college. He continued to live with Brian, who often drove him to and from school. The courses would all transfer to Dartmouth. Plans were still in place for Justin to attend Dartmouth in the January 'Winter term'.

**New Years' Eve: 12/31/2001**

Brian and Justin went to Babylon to ring in the New Year. The music was going thumpa thumpa and the drinks were flowing. Brian knew that this would be the last time that he'd be seeing Justin for a while as the young man was going off to college. It was a celebration of the New Year and a sendoff for Justin.

Michael said, "Justin, I have a little going away gift for you. It's a photo I took." He handed the photo to Justin. It was of his favorite childhood teddy bear, Gus, being held by someone with hazel eyes and a cowry bracelet. Brian's eyes just peered over the top of the bear's head.

"It's Gus, and Brian!" When did you take this?

"I was with Brian when he was picking you up for therapy that one time. We were waiting for you to get out of the shower and he saw the Gus in the closet. He was clowning with it and I took this picture with my phone."

"It's great. I love it. Thanks." He gave Michael a hug. "I see something in this picture I still like to cuddle with." Justin gave Brian a sideways glance.

"You must be talking about the bear. I don't cuddle." Brian said while setting his beer on the bar.

"You do so. You do so….." Justin tickled him mercilessly, making him laugh. The others were chuckling at their exchange. They knew that Brian was going to miss Justin. It wasn't going to be the same without the young blond around – he'd really become one of the gang.

After the evening's festivities were over, they returned to the loft. Brian had been thinking about some advice for his young friend. "Now that you're going off to college, I think it's important that you know that this is _your time_ to be your own man, go your own way."

"Yeah, I know."

"You have to prove yourself to _yourself _as well as everybody else. It's going to be tough being away from friends and family, but you can do it. You're smart and resourceful. You'll land on your feet. You always do."

"OK. Thanks. I hope to do well."

"And date a hundred guys. Get a boyfriend or two or _twenty_. Fuck everything that moves. When I was in college I was getting ass all of the time. You should do the same. Just be sure to be safe."

"Yeah, OK. I'm always safe."

"When you come home, if I'm around and you're unattached maybe we'll hook up again. But you know that I'm not going to be sitting at home waiting for you to return."

"I know that, Brian. It's not you."

Brian put his hands on Justin's shoulders. "Another thing, when you're back for breaks and summers I think you should stay with your mom. I had no problem taking you in when you were rehabbing, and I kind of liked having you live here, too. But, now that you're off to school I'm going to go back to living alone, and with you being a college man we need to go back to living our own lives. Do you understand?"

"I get you. I appreciate that you've helped me these last few months, but I respect that you are really a solitary guy and I can't keep bouncing back here."

"I still want to talk to you and keep in touch. I want to be sure you make us all proud. I'm sure you will."

"Thanks, Brian. I'll phone or e-mail, keep in contact."

Brian pulled Justin in for a hug and kissed him. "I'm happy for you that you have this opportunity. Now's your chance to get out there and knock 'em dead. OK?"

"I'm going to miss you, Brian."

"Don't think of me. Concentrate on your future."

"Well, at least I have you here tonight, right? Happy New Year, Brian."

"Happy New Year."

They stared into each other's eyes, looking, admiring, appreciating, missing already but not saying it. Justin was looking for a glimpse that Brian will truly miss him, like he will truly miss Brian. He didn't care what Brian said or thought, Brian would always hold a special place in his heart… the largest part, if he was honest with himself. He planned to experience college as best as he could, not knowing what the future held, but just relishing the fact that he had one last time to show Brian how he felt.

Brian didn't want to say anything to Justin that might give him false hope, he never made promises he couldn't keep. And knowing Justin was going to college, he remembered his college days well, and knowing Justin's energy, eagerness to experience everything, and his passion in everything he does, including in the bedroom, he didn't want to hold Justin back at all. So he told Justin everything he could without saying a word. Brian took a steady breath to hide his emotions and grabbed and kissed Justin fiercely, tongue demanding entrance. Justin sensed and shared his need, willingly opened and held Brian as close as possible while sucking in Brian's tongue. Both men moaning at the taste, the need, the heat.

Brian began walking Justin over to the sofa, it was the closest surface, he didn't think he could make it to the bed for their first time tonight… their first good-bye fuck. Both men sensing the urgency consuming them stripped each other in record time. Brian sheathing and lubing his cock as Justin grabbed the lube and prepared himself. Brian groaned at the sight of Justin preparing himself, he pulled Justin's hand away and entered Justin's tight hot ass in one swift move.

Justin moaned, groaned and panted as Brian pounded into him, harder than he could remember him ever pounding before, like he was claiming him. Not that it was necessary; Justin would always remember him. Both of them lost in sensation and heat and passion, both unknowingly thinking back to their first time, _"I want you to always remember this, so that no matter who you're ever with, I'll always be there." _Justin reached up to pull Brian's mouth to his, demanding entrance to Brian's mouth now. They kissed hard, until they couldn't breathe, and still kept kissing, unable to get enough, to be close enough. Justin was overcome with Brian tongue fucking his mouth while his beautiful cock was fucking his ass, his own cock caught between them. He came, screaming Brian's name. His anal muscles contracting around Brian's cock, pulling his orgasm out of him, biting his tongue to prevent him from yelling out Justin's name.

They both collapsed on the sofa, wrapped around each other, too exhausted to sleep, for the moment. Brian eventually pulled out and threw away the condom, then dragged Justin up to the bed, where they continued their many rounds of farewell fucking… Justin would look back on that some day and call it love making, but not right now. He couldn't call it that right now, not knowing if he would ever be in Brian's bed again.


	2. Ch 2  The First College Years

**Freshman Year: 2002**

Justin was very busy his first semester away. He called or e-mailed his mom and Brian about once a week. Justin got to know some of the other students in the theatre and film departments. He only hooked up with three guys before spring break. School was a lot to take in and he was really more interested in doing well in school. He didn't date a lot, partly because he missed Brian, but mainly because he was concentrating on school, not men. Justin knew, though, that Brian was adamant that Justin see other guys while he was away. _How many people date a guy who wants them to fuck around?_

Justin's roommate was a straight guy named Gary, a budding filmmaker. Gary's first roommate quit after 1 quarter of school, so it opened a slot for Justin. Gary was a good roommate and the two were compatible.

At spring break Justin came home to Pittsburgh and stayed with his mom. The first night he was in town he met up with the gang at Woody's for a drink. Brian, Ted, Emmett, Ben and Michael were there.

"So, how's college?" Michael asked.

"Fine. A lot of work."

"Any hot guys?" Ted inquired.

"A few… two or three."

"You disappoint me, Justin." Brian said.

"Well, there was that orgy with all of the guys from Delta Pi, half of which are gay. Now THAT was a party!"

Emmett's eyes got really big. Ted choked on his drink. "Really? Tell us more."

"Bodies were everywhere …. Straight couples over there, gay couples over here." Justin moved his hands as if pointing out areas of the orgy.

"Oh, my God." Michael said.

Brian sized up Justin and saw the sparkle in his eye. "Bullshit."

Justin smiled. "Yeah, there was no orgy. There _was_ a party with a lot of beer, but no sex." Ted, Michael and Emmett sighed, shaking their heads. He'd got them again.

"Not much of a party then." Brian observed.

"Nah. It's been tough, coming in as a community college student when everyone else has been there since fall. I've been concentrating on studies, not men."

"So, no studying _this_ week – what are you concentrating on this week?" Brian asked.

"Spending as much time as possible with you." Justin replied.

"Awww. Ain't that sweet?" Emmett drawled.

Brian gave Emmett a dirty look, then turned his attentions to Justin and kissed him.

Later, Michael was asking Justin about school and his studies. The freshman was excited about the summer session when he'd be starting studies in animation.

_Michael told him that he'd always wanted to write a comic book. While they chatted, Justin sketched a superhero. Michael was very impressed and they got the idea to work on a book together. They came up with the name 'Rage', a gay superhero, and decided on his powers. In their story 'Rage' would rescue a young gay man, J.T., and they'd fall in love. _

Justin would spend his days with his mom and Daphne and his evenings with Brian, who managed to get through the whole week without tricking. They went to Babylon a couple of times and Woody's once more. At the end of the evening Justin would go home to his mom's. The last two days before Justin was due back at school, though, Brian took off from work and surprised his young friend by booking a downtown hotel for their last night together.

The schedule for students at Dartmouth is called the 'D-plan', and it involves the students spending the summer between freshman and sophomore years on campus. So, Justin had a little time home, but then returned to Dartmouth for the summer before his sophomore year.

**Sophomore Year: 2002-2003**

Once sophomore year started, Justin met a new student named Eric. He was in film studies, too, and they found they had a lot in common. They dated off and on before Christmas break, but not exclusively. They didn't spend break together and Justin spent the time off with family as well as Brian and their friends. After break, Justin and Eric dated a little more, but mutually decided to end it before spring break. They liked each other, but there was not really a deep physical attraction. Eric decided to hook up with an old boyfriend from back home in Ohio during spring break.

**Stockwell: Summer 2003**

_Jim Stockwell, the police chief in Pittsburgh, started his campaign for mayor. Vanguard pursued Stockwell about running his campaign's advertising. Brian's honest approach impressed Stockwell and they got the campaign. It became evident to the gay community, though, that Stockwell's 'family friendly' approach meant taking away the rights of the inhabitants of Liberty Avenue. _

_Justin spent the summer working for Vanguard as an intern. He led his own private anti-Stockwell campaign with posters on the streets. He talked to Brian about how sometimes you need to sacrifice everything for what you believe in. Brian turned Stockwell's campaign around and the evil chief was defeated. Brian was broke and out of a job at the end. _

Justin's actions against Stockwell were not noticed by anyone at Dartmouth, so it didn't affect his college career.

**Kinnetik: Early Autumn 2003**

_Brian decided to start his own advertising agency. Justin suggested the name Kinnetik. Brian's first clients only brought in a few dollars, but then he landed a large account with a pharmaceutical company and the business took off. Ted was hired in as an accountant._

Brian celebrated his new Remson account at Babylon with the boys, although if you'd asked Brian, he would've said it was merely a coincidence that they were all there. They all toasted him, while looking at some ridiculous pictures of Mikey and Emmett at some fairy thing. Ha! Or should he say Dumpling and Clearday… what a joke, although he admitted they looked happier than they had in a while, and with Emmett that was saying something. Emmett grabbed Justin's hand and led him to the dance floor. Mikey and Ben were talking about something, but he wasn't paying attention to that. He was paying attention to Justin's perfect little bubble butt shaking on the dance floor, with Emmett getting way too close. He thought it was time to go save his twink… then take him home and fuck him senseless before he went back to college.

Brian came up slowly behind Justin and wrapped his arms around his waist. Emmett removed his hands, seeing the stare from the predator before him. Emmett knew and wondered how long before Brian would claim his boy. Oh, he wouldn't say that to Brian, but he knew. He wasn't the little ole clueless Southerner that people thought he was; he saw, and he knew. Brain could say whatever he wanted about Justin needing the college experience, but Em could see the longing in Brian's eyes every time Justin visited, and worry when Justin went back.

Justin held back a moan at the feeling of Brian pulling him against him, feeling Brian's already hard cock rubbing against his ass. He loved dancing with Brian if for no other reason than it always felt like fucking with clothes on. Brian suggested they go back to the loft so he could fuck him. Justin quipped, "Ever the romantic." Brian chuckled and then licked Justin's neck. That was all the convincing Justin needed.

Barely making it in the door to the loft and closing it, Brian attacked Justin's mouth. He'd been controlling himself in the car the whole way home, and he wasn't going to hold back any longer. He kissed Justin hard, biting his lip, sucking his tongue, grinding his cock into Justin's, pinning him against the door, absorbing Justin's groans into his mouth and his own groans. He gave into his own desires then, opened Justin's pants and dropped to his knees to give Justin one hell of blow job.

Justin was stunned, completely fucking stunned. Not that Brian hadn't blown him before, but never like Brian wanted it more. He was really glad he was against the door or he would have collapsed under the pleasure overwhelming him as Brian sucked him down deep, licking him, squeezing his ass and balls. What seemed like seconds later he was exploding into Brian's mouth. Expecting Brian to come back up and kiss him, he was again stunned when Brian pulled him down and before he knew it, Brian had his own pants off and was sliding into Justin like he couldn't wait to be there. And he didn't really fucking care what either of them thought as Brian pounded into him almost violently, pulling his hips to meet Brian's hips. It was fucking incredible. They were both groaning and gasping, grunting as they came at the same time before collapsing on the floor… before moving into the bedroom to start all over again.

**Junior Year: 2003-2004**

In Justin's junior year he got an apartment with his freshman roommate, Gary. They had always gotten along well and it worked out well for both of them to share the space.

Justin met a guy named Josh at the beginning of the school year and they dated a few times during fall term. Josh was a good artist and some 'dates' were just sitting in Justin's apartment drawing each other. Nude studies are so much more fun when you have a sexual relationship with your subject. Apparently, though, Josh enjoyed 'nude studies' with some of the soccer team, too, and Justin couldn't handle it. He thought that they were exclusive to each other, but Josh had other ideas. They broke up. Christmas break was spent at home with Jennifer and Molly, with occasional visits with Brian and the gang.

Winter term started in January and Justin was back to studying. Classes were getting more interesting now as he was fully into his junior year.

**The invitation: January 2004**

One day in late January, Justin phoned Brian. The caller I.D. on Brian's phone said "SUNSHINE".

"Hey. How's tricks?"

"Great. The apartment is working out great and my classes aren't too grueling this term."

"Good."

"Hey, I wanted to ask you something."

"Yeah?"

"Will you go to the Winter Carnival Ball dance with me?"

"Justin, I tried going to one of your school dances before and it didn't end well."

"All the more reason to get it right this time."

"I don't know. Aren't I a little old for college?"

"Some of the students here are older, returning adults and stuff. You won't stick out. I think you're hot enough that they won't notice any age difference. You'll always be young. Isn't that what Michael tells you?"

"Yeah, but…."

"Aw come on. It'd be fun. You could fly in on Thursday, after work; stay Friday for the dance and fly back Saturday or Sunday."

"Where would I stay?"

"You can stay with me."

"In a twin bed? I don't think so."

"I have a queen sized bed now with the apartment."

"Mmmm. Better."

"So, whaddya say?"

"What weekend is this?"

"Thursday, February 12th through Saturday the 14th." Justin replied.

"What's in it for me?" Brian was smiling, considering Justin's reply.

"A weekend of unending sexual favors; blow jobs, rim jobs, whatever you'd like." Justin didn't disappoint.

"If you promise to go down on me in the bathroom _during_ the dance, I'll consider it."

"You got it."

There was some silence while Brian pictured the scene in the bathroom. "OK, I'll go to your dance."

"Yay!"

"I'm just curious. Will we be the only gay couple there again?"

"No. My friends Dave and Mark are going. They're theatre majors. And, I think Auggie is taking Terry. There will be others."

"All right. Send me an e-mail with the schedule for the weekend and your address. I'll get Cynthia to get me the flights. I think the nearest airport is Manchester-Boston, an hour and a half away. I'll get her to rent a car, too."

"Sounds good. Thanks again, Brian."

"Sure. Just don't forget that you have to hold up your end of the deal, OK?"

"You bet. Hey, I gotta get to class. I'll send you that e-mail. Later."

"Later."


	3. Ch 3 The Balls

**Winter Carnival Ball: February 2004**

Brian flew in February 12th, rented a car to drive from the airport to Dartmouth, and found Justin's apartment. He'd brought his tux and a duffel bag of other clothes. Justin greeted him with a hug and a kiss and introduced him to his roommate Gary. They exchanged some polite conversation, after which Gary took off for the local tux place so he could have his suit for the dance, too. He was taking his girlfriend, Cathy.

Justin hung Brian's tux up on the back of the bedroom door and Brian threw his duffel bag on the dresser. He approached Justin and pulled him close. Their lips met in a passionate kiss. Justin locked the door.

"How was your flight?"

"OK. But I was battling this hard on the whole time. I think the stewardess thought I was hot for her." Brian smirked.

"We both know that wasn't the case." Justin smiled suggestively. "Then why _did_ you have a hard on?"

"I kept thinking about the blow job you're going to be giving me in the men's room tomorrow."

"Oh, really? Well, maybe I could help you picture exactly what that's going to be like. First, I'm going to push you up against the wall of the stall." Justin pushed Brian against the wall of the bedroom. "Then I'll see if you're ready for it." He stroked the front of Brian's pants, feeling the burgeoning hard on beneath the fabric. "Mmmm, yes. Then I'll unzip you and pull out that gorgeous cock of yours." He did so. "Then I'll give you the pleasure you've been looking forward to." Justin dropped to his knees and took the waiting cock into his mouth in one motion. Brian moaned and ran his fingers through the blonds' silky hair while the licking and sucking continued. He'd been so anticipating this that it didn't take long for him to get close to orgasm.

"Oh, so good. Yeah, that's ….. aaaah …. That's it." He came, shooting his salty sweet goodness into Justin's waiting mouth. He pulled Justin up to kiss him, tasting himself on his lover's tongue.

They silently undressed and lay down on the bed. Their last shared sexual encounter was during Christmas break and it was now mid-February, so they were both ready for the lovemaking that they could share with each other.

Justin was on his back, covered by Brian, his thighs spread, cradling their bodies close. Brian willingly allowed Justin to wrap his body around him. Their cocks perfectly lined up, not grinding, but unable to keep their hips from moving. Brian slid his arms under Justin's back and head, holding him to him as they kissed passionately, but unhurriedly. Justin always felt so safe here, in Brian's arms, under him, with his smell and touch surrounding him. They moaned into each other as tongues and lips battled. Their cocks were both leaking and painfully hard, but Brian was only here for two days and planned to make this last as long as he could.

Brian broke the kiss and slowly licked and kissed a trail down to Justin's ear, nibbling on his earlobe, holding in the chuckle at Justin's gasp… he was always so damn sensitive there. He worked his way to Justin's rosy little nipples, dark and hard, just begging for his mouth. Happy to answer, he licked one then the other, biting each nipple then blowing cool air over them, enjoying being able to make Justin writhe under him. He moved down Justin's chest, to his dark blond curly pubes, enjoying the musky smell that was all Justin as he licked Justin's cock and sucked on the tip. He grabbed the lube and a condom as he worked his way down, Justin was so caught up in the pleasure he had no idea what Brian would do next, but not really caring, as long as he didn't stop.

Brian slicked up two fingers and slowly worked them into Justin, causing Justin to cry out. He continued to lick and suck at Justin's cock and balls, while finger fucking Justin, scissoring his fingers to open Justin for him. He could tell Justin was getting close to coming, and he wanted to be inside him when he did. He put on the condom and quickly withdrew his fingers, and replaced them with his cock. He did it so fast Justin didn't even have a chance to moan in disappointment at Brian's fingers being removed.

Brian leaned forward again to wrap Justin in his arms, as he slowly slid in and out; thoroughly enjoying the looks of pleasure and ecstasy that were covering Justin's face and flushed body. He knew Justin liked looking at him when they fucked, but Justin would also close his eyes sometimes, just to experience the intense feelings and rapture they could produce together. Brian kept the pace almost painfully slow, finding Justin's gland and scraping it with his cock each time he slid back in. Justin was panting Brian's name like a prayer, and Brian thought that was about the best fucking thing he'd heard in bed in a long fucking time.

Both men were getting close, and for however long Brian could keep up the maddeningly slow pace, he needed to come, and Justin did, too. Brian leaned up, pulled Justin's hips to him and started pounding harder, pulling and pushing at Justin's hips, fucking his tight little ass with as much force as he could. Pounding over and over till they could barely breathe. Justin grabbed his cock and started jerking off as Brian pounded and thrust mercilessly. Finally after what seemed like hours, but was actually a few minutes, Justin came, screaming, which spurred Brian's orgasm. He grabbed and stilled Justin's hips, as his own hips jerked, filling up the condom, feeling like it was going to overflow he came so hard.

Both were sated, panting, sweaty and exhausted as they collapsed onto the bed. Justin was more than happy to absorb Brian's weight on his own body. Brian got rid of the condom, appreciating, and hiding his own reaction, when Justin whimpered at being empty. Brian pulled Justin close and they just held each other, calming down.

The next day was the day of the dance. Justin gave Brian a quick tour of the campus and he was impressed with the school. That evening they were getting ready for the dance, dressing in their tuxes, and Justin brought out a box tied with a ribbon. He handed it to Brian.

"What's this?"

"A little thank you gift for being my date tonight. It was either this or a wrist corsage." Justin said with a smirk.

Brian opened the box and pulled out a long white silk scarf with white fringe, just like the one he'd given to Justin on prom night. That one got ruined with blood stains and became Brian's 'badge of guilt' that he wore for weeks afterward.

"Oh, Justin. This is …"

"I wanted you to have a new one." He took the scarf from Brian's hands and placed it around the tall man's neck. "I think it completes the outfit."

Brian was a bit emotional at the gift of the scarf and seeing Justin in his tux. He could only make one comment. "It's perfect. Thank you." He put his arms around Justin and held him for a while.

They had a great time at the dance. Brian liked Justin's friends Dave and Mark and the four of them alternated dancing with each other all night.

Justin was able to remember more of prom night's happier events by re-enacting it. He also kept his promise to Brian by giving him a blow job in the bathroom. Many other sexual favors were exchanged by the two over the weekend before Brian flew back on Sunday.

**Spring Break: 2004**

When Justin got home for his spring break, Brian, for all everyone knew, was in Ibiza. However, Brian was off to Johns Hopkins Hospital having testicular cancer surgery. He returned home the day after Justin was back at his mom's for the twelve day break. Brian ended up having to tell Ted about the cancer. Then Brian mentioned it to Debbie, so eventually, word got around. When Justin found out, two days after being home, he went to the loft. Brian was trying to rest, getting over the effects of the surgery and the radiation treatments.

_Justin was upset that Brian hadn't told him about the cancer until after the surgery. They argued a bit, but Justin told Brian matter of factly that he was there for him, whether he liked it or not, and to eat his fucking chicken soup. Justin stayed with Brian to help his friend with his recovery. Brian made it clear that he didn't want pity and someone to hold his hand, so Justin just assisted when it was needed and avoided any patronizing words. _

_It took Brian's body a while to recover from the surgery. Flashes of being cut open kept going through his mind. He wanted to be able to regain sexual potency, but his body wouldn't respond. Finally, after an argument with his mother, of all things, Brian felt a familiar bulge in his pants. He celebrated, along with Justin, in the backroom of Babylon._

Two days later, Justin flew back to school.


	4. Ch 4 Before Senior Year

Just as summer break was about to start_, Michael received a letter that Hollywood was interested in doing a movie version of 'Rage'. Justin flew out to pitch the movie and was asked to stay to do storyboards and advise about the characters. He spent his entire summer there, staying with Brett Keller, the director of the film. Justin hooked up with Connor James, who was slated to play 'Rage' in the movie. They spent a few nights together. Justin was very attracted to the hot young movie star and their encounters were passionate. _

Brett would have liked to keep Justin on the project longer, but the young man was determined to keep his college career on track. Brett told him that, when Justin needed it, he would be happy to write a letter of recommendation to a potential employer. After all, Justin was studying film and media, so a letter from a successful Hollywood director would be an asset.

_The Liberty Ride, a bicycle riding fundraiser, had many participants that year, including Brian, Michael, Ben, Hunter, Emmett and Ted. On the bus ride up to Toronto Ben proposed to Michael and they married there. Brian arranged for a cake and music at one of the ride's stops as an impromptu wedding reception. The ride didn't end well as Brian broke his collarbone and he barely had enough strength to finish the ride. Michael stayed with him until the end of the ride. Justin had just returned from L.A. and was waiting for Brian at the end of the ride, which seemed to motivate Brian to finish._

Justin spent that night with Brian, helping him with his aches, pains and the brace keeping his arm immobile. There was no sexual encounter that night, Brian was too exhausted, and in pain, but he appreciated Justin's massages before he slept. As Brian drifted off he was so happy that Justin was with him, but sad at the thought of possibly 'losing' his young friend to another guy that he'd meet in college.

The next day Brian spent resting and relaxing while Justin packed up what he needed for college in his car. The same apartment was going to be used again, so all he needed was the last of his cold weather clothes from his mom's place. He made dinner for himself and Brian that night; something he'd learned from Brett's cook in California. It was a chicken and vegetable stir fry that had Thai seasonings. They both enjoyed the dish, and then Justin got up to clean up. Brian walked up behind him and pressed their bodies together. "Need help?"

Justin smiled, knowing what his dark haired friend was up to. "No, thanks, I got this. You're not much help with only one arm, anyway."

"Maybe not, but other parts of me seem to be in working order." Brian's growing bulge was pushing against the blonds' bubble butt.

"I can tell. We should do something about that then, shouldn't we?" He placed the rest of the dishes in the sink and then turned around to face Brian.

Their lips met in a heated embrace. It was the first time they kissed passionately since Justin flew to L.A.. Tongues dueled and soft moans were emitted by both men. Brian took his 'good' hand and held Justin's face at an angle in order to allow himself full access to his mouth. "Let's take this to the bedroom, shall we?"

"Yes." The younger man's lips were full and red from being kissed, which was about the sexiest thing Brian could remember seeing in a long time.

They slowly undressed, Justin helping Brian with his shoulder brace. As they reclined, Brian kissed his young lover tenderly, almost reverently and confessed, "I thought you weren't coming back."

"I figured." Justin replied.

**Brian's POV**

I thought the allure of the film industry would pull him away and he'd never come back to Pittsburgh or Dartmouth or me. When I was pedaling all of those fucking miles with this damn broken collarbone I had a lot of time to think. There are a number of things I need to change. I need to spend more time with my son, Gus. I need to trick less. And the final thing is that I have to give Justin some idea of what he means to me. I still think he'd be better off with someone else, closer to his own age, at the same point in his life. But that doesn't mean that he can't know I really do care about him.

**Justin's POV**

Brian thought I wasn't coming back. Hollywood was so fantastic, part of me never wanted to leave. The excitement of making a movie … of seeing Rage come to life … dating, hell,_ fucking_ movie stars … all of it was great. I mean, film is what I'm studying in college. I have three quarters of my college done, though, and I'm not stopping now. If I want to meet a guy who's willing to settle down I'm probably not going to find him in Hollywood. I need to meet a guy who wants the same things I do and is willing to commit to me and what we both want. I wish that could be Brian, but I don't know that he'd ever change. I do love him, though, and I want him so badly right now.

**End POV**

As they reclined, Brian momentarily forgot about his injury and leaned on his arm the wrong way. He winced in pain and quickly rolled onto his back.

Justin sat up. "Are you OK?"

"I'm fine. Just have to remember…" Brian said as he pointed to his shoulder.

"Let me drive … you just stay there, OK?"

"I'm always the one in charge, remember?" Brian had to protest a little, but secretly he was turned on when his young lover took over.

"Not tonight, my wounded eagle." With that, Justin positioned himself between his lover's legs and began licking and sucking his fully erect cock. Brian's head snapped back in pleasure. Justin continued, sticking his tongue into the slit and working his mouth up and down. His hand grasped the cock firmly at the base, while slowly massaging the balls. The excitement built up for Brian and he came with a loud moan.

Justin crawled back up his lover's body and they kissed, Brian tasting himself in Justin's mouth. The kissing continued, and then Brian said, "Now it's your turn."

"But Brian you can't move with … I mean …" Justin was concerned.

"Just roll off." Brian nodded to the center of the bed.

Justin did just that and then his lover rolled on top of him and used his good arm to do a three point crawl down his body. Brian licked down from Justin's navel and worked his way down to that musky mound of curly dark blonde hair, then reached his target. He licked the cock from base to tip and then took it into his mouth. He held Justin down with his good arm and pumped his mouth over the shaft. The young man moaned and begged for more. "Oh, Brian."

Brian continued with the sweet music of his lover's pleading in his ears. He loved it when Justin called out his name. He knew that all of the pleasure Justin was feeling was coming from him and his actions. He started getting hard again. Brian concentrated his efforts until Justin yelled out with an emphatic cry and shot his cum into his lover's mouth. Brian drank it all up, thinking it was a sweet taste he would never tire of.

After Justin recovered a little, Brian reclined onto his right side. Justin positioned himself so they could be face to face. Brian whispered, "Get the lube and a condom." The blond smiled and did so, then obediently rolled onto his right side also. Brian's fingers tenderly lubed Justin's crack and fingers penetrated to lube the entrance. The motions were met with more moans and signs of desire. Brian slid the condom onto his waiting cock and positioned himself behind Justin. "Do you want this? Do you want me?"

"Oh , God yes. I do. Please, fuck me now."

Brian loved every word coming from Justin's mouth. He granted the request and pushed his stiff cock into Justin's waiting ass. He slid in slowly at first and then sped up his actions. He was leaning on his good arm and leaned over his lover's ear to whisper into it.

"Justin, so perfect. God, I missed this."

"I missed this, too. I missed you. Our first time together you said you wanted me to always remember you, to remember that time. I can never forget you."

"Nobody satisfies me like you do. So tight. I will always want you." Brian confessed.

"Yes. I'll never stop wanting this."

When they were done and fully satisfied, they showered together. Justin helped Brian reach places he couldn't reach with his broken collarbone. The touching was tender and sensual. They dried off and got ready for bed.

As they lay on the bed, Brian was on his right side to keep pressure off his left arm, which was now re-braced to keep it from jarring while he slept. Justin snuggled up behind him and kissed the back of his neck.

Brian said, "Did you mean what you said? That you won't forget me?"

"Brian, you're so special to me. You were my first lover. You were there to save my life the night I got bashed. You've supported me and advised me. I can never forget all that you've meant to me." He leaned up on one elbow and turned his lover's face to look into his eyes. "I don't know what's going to happen in the future, but I will tell you that I will always care about you and, in some way, love you."

They kissed. Brian was too full of emotion to speak. Justin settled in behind him with his arm encircling his waist, holding him close. Brian stroked his lover's arm softly and closed his eyes. As he considered all that was said, a tear from his eye slid onto the pillow.

The next day they said their goodbyes and Justin drove his loaded up car back to Dartmouth for his last year there.


	5. Ch 5 The Other Man

**Senior Year: 2004-2005**

Justin was really looking forward to his senior year. He'd be doing some great creative projects for classes. He knew most of the people in the Fine Arts and Media school and had developed some close friendships. There was a new film student, however, named Ryan who transferred in from New York. He was a senior doing his last year of school at Dartmouth. Justin was introduced by some fellow students. Ryan was just a little taller than Justin, with dark wavy hair and green eyes. He was into racquetball and worked out often, so he had an excellent physique. They were instantly attracted to each other. Justin asked Ryan to join him for a movie being shown at the campus movie theater that weekend. Ryan agreed and they enjoyed the evening.

Over the next few days, they'd get together for coffee or dinner and the relationship progressed. Finally, Justin asked Ryan to come back to his apartment. It started out as just watching TV and having a beer, but Justin moved himself onto Ryan's lap and they started a full-on make out session. Before either of them could really think about it further, they were on Justin's bed pulling each other's clothes off. Justin's blow job sent Ryan over the edge quickly and was eagerly returned. From then on it was a full sexual experience.

Justin and Ryan continued to date throughout the fall session. They'd be together almost every day. Justin's apartment was their place for sexual encounters, of which there were many. They agreed to date each other exclusively and stayed true to their word.

Ryan was a real dreamer and had all of these plans for being the next great Hollywood filmmaker. Justin loved to listen to his stories and plans. Ryan loved to hear about Justin's experience with 'Rage' in Los Angeles. Ryan, of course, was going to become wildly successful and make 'Rage' into a multi-million dollar blockbuster.

Justin wasn't sure if this was falling in love, but he knew that he felt a connection with Ryan and cared about him very much. Ryan was so accessible and open with Justin. Compared to Brian's typically guarded state, Ryan's openness was refreshing for him.

Christmas break came up and Justin asked Ryan to come home with him and meet his mom and sister. Ryan's family was going to be away around the holidays so a family Christmas with Justin sounded great to him.

Justin sent an e-mail to Brian letting him know about bringing Ryan home for Christmas. Brian was happy that his young friend had taken his advice to date other guys, but, of course, he was still somewhat heartbroken that things were going to be different between them. Usually, Brian and Justin hooked up at least once during holiday break, but that wasn't going to happen this time around.

The college boys flew in and Jennifer was pleased to meet Ryan. She told Justin that she was glad that he'd found someone his own age with similar interests. She even let the guys stay in Justin's bedroom for the week.

Ryan was interested to see where Justin 'hung out' when he was in Pittsburgh, so they went to Woody's one night and Babylon the next. While they were on the dance floor at Babylon, Brian breezed in and met up with Emmett and Ted at the bar.

Emmett drew Brian's attention to the dance floor. "Seems Justin has a new friend."

"Must be his college boyfriend, Ryan. He's brought him home for the break." Brian said offhandedly.

"Wow. He has a steady, eh?" Ted asked.

"Seems so. I told him to get as much of what's out there as possible. Looks like he's taking my advice."

"Are you OK?" Emmett asked.

"Why the fuck wouldn't I be? He's making his way and finding his own happiness."

Justin and Ryan came up to the bar for a drink. "Hey guys, this is Ryan. Ryan, this is Emmett, Ted and Brian."

Ryan shook hands down the line and repeated the names, so he'd remember. "Nice to meet everyone."

Emmett was impressed by Ryan's good looks and green eyes. "So, Ryan, what are you studying?"

"Film studies. I'm interested in producing and shooting Hollywood movies."

Brian inquired, "Did Justin tell you about his Hollywood experience?"

"Oh, yeah. It sounded awesome!"

"Yes. The movie. The movie star…" Brian smiled and took a swig of beer.

Justin could see what Brian was trying to do. "I told him all about Connor."

"The supposedly straight actor who fucks men? What a laugh. Hey, you're the one that inspired Rage, right?"

"Yeah, that's me, sans tights." Brian said.

"He left his tights at home. Only wears them for special occasions." Ted interjected.

They all shared a laugh and had another round of drinks. Brian asked Justin to dance and they took a turn on the floor.

Justin asked, "So, what do you think of Ryan?"

"He's all right. How big is his dick?"

"It's not all about that, you know."

"Sure it is."

"Stop it, Brian. I know what you're trying to do. Nice try. You're not going to get to me tonight."

"Whatever." They danced a while and then headed back to the bar. As they were getting close to the bar, Brian said into Justin's ear. "Seriously, though. He's hot." Justin smiled and kissed him.

Ryan showed no signs of jealousy. "You are _so hot_ on the dance floor, baby."

The evening continued until 2 am. Brian made a couple of trips into the backroom, per usual. After some more dancing the college boys said their goodbyes and went back to Jennifer's.

Justin and Ryan continued dating up until spring break, but they both realized that they wanted different things in life. There was no big blowup fight, just a mutual decision that they shouldn't go on seeing each other. Justin called his mom with the news and sent a short e-mail to Brian, letting him know. He'd explain more to Brian when they could talk face to face.

**Spring Break: 2005**

When Justin first got into town for spring break, he didn't contact Brian. He wanted to wait for Brian to contact him when he was ready. After a couple of days Brian called Justin's cell phone and they met up at the loft. They ordered from their old favorite Chinese food place. They were tentative about each other at first … after all it had been a long time since they'd been together alone, since last fall. Somewhere near the end of dinner they were reading fortunes from fortune cookies and Justin remembered that Brian once told him that all fortunes should be followed by the words 'in bed'. Brian read his fortune and they both said 'in bed' and laughed. Then Justin made up his fortune, saying that his lover was going to undress him, reveal his gorgeous cock and fuck him. Brian took the hint and grabbed Justin for a mind-blowing kiss, suddenly very hungry again, this time for something else. Realizing that Ryan was out of the picture, knowing full well he had just broken one of his rules, again, for Justin, and called him instead of waiting for him … he had to have Justin now.

Brian grabbed Justin and pulled him down harder on top of him, reveling in this kiss. He rolled them so he was on top, grinding into Justin. They both said each other's names breathlessly between kisses, consumed by the feeling of each other's bodies and cocks rubbing together. Their tongues dancing together just like their bodies. Legs entwining, rolling on the floor in reckless abandon as their arms moved desperately over the other's back and arms and ass. Both moaning and groaning and rubbing against each other like they had been apart for years.

Justin was so thrilled to be back in Brian's arms, in Brian's life. He really did enjoy his time with Ryan, and he could almost see himself with Ryan for a long time, but only when he wasn't with Brian. Being away from Brian he could think logically, plan his future, figure out what he wanted out of life, what he wanted from a committed partner. He didn't really want to go back to Hollywood, not the way Ryan had it planned, which it wasn't. And now that he was with Brian again, whatever they were to each other didn't matter at all while Brian ravaged his lips, moaned into his mouth. Brian wasn't close enough, not nearly close enough, he needed skin, now.

They were practically ripping each other's clothes off as fast as their hands would allow. Justin was completely caught up in the passion that was consuming Brian. Brian stood, pulled Justin with him and dragged him to the bed. They finished undressing in record time before Brain pushed Justin on to the bed as their lips came crashing together once again, lips to lips, chest to chest, groin to groin. Echoed moans and groans from both men as their straining dripping erections rubbed against each other. Brain grabbed the lube and a condom and rolled them over again, pulling Justin on top of him. He thrust the items to Justin and forced his breath to sound a lot steadier than it was as he almost growled "Ride me".

Justin almost came right there from that husky command by this perfect, beautiful man beneath him. The man that would always be the face of God to him, no matter who he was with, no matter where he went, but that wasn't a thought for right now. He ripped the condom open with his teeth, like Brian did almost every time they fuck. Brian struggled to suppress a chuckle at that action. Justin sat up, kneeling over Brian, he moved down slightly and slowly rolled the condom onto Brian's cock, loving the sounds the Brian made, breathing deep the smell of need Brian had when he was dripping. He squirted some lube on his fingers, kneeled up and leaned back, slowly opening himself to accommodate Brian's cock. Brian was moaning at watching Justin lube himself. He desperately wanted to see Justin finger fuck himself, but he wanted Justin's ass on his cock even more.

Brian forced himself to speak and practically barked out, "Justin… now!" Justin jumped at the need he heard in Brian's demand, but refocused really fast, grabbed Brian's cock and lowered himself on it. Both men gasped at the feeling threatening to overwhelm them. Justin leaned forward to kiss Brian as he rode him. He loved riding Brian, it put him in the perfect position, not only was Brian impossibly deep, but he could angle his hips so he could make Brian's cock hit his prostate as it slid in and out. Justin was bouncing, riding Brian's cock for all he was worth, relishing in the grip that Brian had on his thighs, so tight and hard he might bruise, and he didn't fucking care.

They both came hard and fast, shuddering through their orgasm. Justin's come spraying all over Brian's chest, Brian emptying powerfully into the condom. Both almost too tired to move to clean up as their bodies slowly came down from their orgasmic high. Eventually they did and the rest of the evening was spent fucking and love making. Justin stayed the night, of course.


	6. Ch 6 Push Away

After spring break Justin returned to school to finish his degree. He turned in his senior project and had his last finals. He had four days between his last finals and the graduation ceremony, so he decided to load up his car and a U-Haul to get most of his stuff back home with his mom so he wouldn't have to worry about it after graduation. He booked a flight back to school so he'd be back at Dartmouth before graduation rehearsal.

While he was home he booked a final interview and accepted a job offer from a Pittsburgh company, TGS video, which did video production services for the advertising industry and local sports teams. The letter of recommendation from Brett Keller was a plus to landing the job. Also helpful were letters from Brian and other Kinnetik coworkers about Justin's intern work there. Justin's job would be editing using the latest electronic programs to assemble videos. He was excited about the job and the pay was going to be decent.

When Justin was in Pittsburgh those two days he called Brian to meet him at Woody's for a drink. The encounter at Brian's loft was a month before this meeting and they were still unsure about each other. Justin knew he still loved his chestnut haired lover, but wasn't sure of Brian's feelings for him. They had both been thinking about their future and how their lives were going to play out, although they never really spoke about it. After saying hello and buying a couple of beers they sat at a table to talk.

"So, are you excited about the graduation ceremony?"

"Yeah. It's going to be great. Mom and Molly are coming. I don't think my dad will be there, though. Are you coming?"

"As a matter of fact, your mother and I spoke and we'll be flying in together, with Molly. Jennifer insisted on renting a car herself and doing the driving to and from the airport. Cynthia booked us a couple of rooms at a motel near campus. You're flying back with us, right?"

"Yes, that's the plan." Justin paused. "I'll be glad that you're there."

"Sure."

They sipped their beers and there was an awkward silence. Brian finally spoke. "So, all of your stuff fit in your old room at your mom's?"

"Most of it. Some is in the garage. Some stuff, like some furniture, I'm just leaving for the next apartment dweller at college."

"When does your new job start?"

"I get about a week off and then I'll be there."

"Where is it in Pittsburgh?"

"It's about halfway between my mom's and your place."

"Oh, OK. So your mom's will work out for you?"

"Yeah, but I'm thinking I really need to move out of my mom's and get my own place or something. I want to be able to paint and do my video production and animation. I don't know. I'll have to see how much money I'm actually bringing in once the job starts."

"It's good to have your own place. I bought the loft when I was done with college and started working."

"Yeah."

Another silence. Brian ordered two more beers.

Justin finally spoke. "I never told you what happened with me and Ryan."

"You don't have to tell me. It's none of my business."

"Yeah, but I want you to know. Ryan has plans of moving to Los Angeles and starting a career in the movies working in film production. Having that summer working on 'Rage' I know how exciting that can be. But, I felt, for me anyway, that I wanted to be home and work locally. I know that I can do a lot of creative things with my new job and I'll still have time for animation projects and painting. I think Ryan is taking a big chance packing up and moving to L.A. with no job lined up. He'll be waiting tables, you watch."

"There's something to be said for taking chances. Are you afraid?" Brian asked.

"It's not about being afraid. I'm _not_ afraid. It just comes back to what I really want. I want to be here with my family and friends. If I'm going to be with a guy I want to know he's on solid ground and content to live here. I couldn't see myself running off to L.A. riding on Ryan's dreams of a movie career. He understood and we just parted as friends."

"If you think the Pitts is really where you can be happiest…"

"My mom and Molly are here. My friends are here." Justin reached for Brian's hand. "I still want to see you, Brian, and be with you. I haven't found anyone that I can care about as much as I care about you."

"You were supposed to meet someone in college to be the boyfriend that you settled down with." Brian pulled his hand away.

"Yeah, well, that didn't happen."

"Why the fuck not?"

"Are you disappointed that I'll still be around? Would you care if I wasn't?"

"You do what you think is best. I can't tell you what to do."

"I just thought that… "

"What, that after college I'd be waiting for you with open arms?"

"Maybe. Maybe that you'd tell me how you felt about me. That you loved me."

"That's not me. That's not who I am."

"Oh, fuck it, never mind. I'm going home." He put his coat on to leave.

"That is _so_ **like** you. You don't hear what you want, so you leave. Why don't you stand up for yourself for a change? Have some balls."

Justin grabbed the back of Brian's neck and planted a firm kiss on his lips. Then he left the bar, leaving Brian to deal with the emotions swirling inside of him.

**Brian's POV **

Why do I do that? Just as he's approaching me, I move away. I know I want him but these words spill out of my mouth that hurt him. I just have to figure out what the fuck it is I _do_ want.

**Justin's POV**

He's such a shit. I know he loves me, but he won't say it.

I want to come back to Pittsburgh because I feel it's my home. My new job is going to be great. Now if I could just get Brian to at least give me a better indication of his feelings… If he can't tell me something meaningful I'm going to keep dating around until I find someone who does. I've tried dating in college and there were some great guys. But, for one reason or another, they weren't going to work out for me. It's not like I didn't try.

I hate that Brian and I argued, but he's so exasperating. I'll call him before he flies in for the graduation, _if_ he is still going to. I still love him and I'll always care about him, whether we're together or not.

**End POV**

Justin phoned Brian a couple a few days later. "Hey, Brian."

"Hey, what's up?"

"I just wanted to let you and my mom know that I won't be able to see you until Sunday, right after the ceremony. I know you're going to be in on Saturday, but there are all kinds of meetings and parties and stuff for me to go to that day."

"OK. It'll be your last full day there and you _should_ have fun."

Justin sighed. "I'm sorry about what I said at Woody's the other day."

"Sorry's bullshit, Justin. Don't worry about it."

"I didn't mean anything …. I'm not mad at you."

"We're fine. We'll see you Sunday, then."

"Yeah. And thanks again for flying in for this."

"Anytime, Sunshine. Later."

"Later."

**Brian's POV**

He's graduating in a few days. That kid that I picked up in front of a lamppost five years ago is now a college graduate. I am so damn proud of him. Now, the question is, where does he go from here? Where do _we_ go from here? And when did I start thinking in terms of the two of us?

I tried to push him away … to find someone new, someone closer to his own age. And I know that he's fucked a few, dated a few, but nobody that he stayed with. It's hard for me to believe that after four years away he still chooses me. I thought he'd be off with some other guy by now. When he brought that last guy, Ryan, home for Christmas, I thought that was it … he was going to be the steady that made Justin forget me. But even that didn't work out.

Each time he told me about someone he was seeing I felt a twinge, hell, more than just a twinge. I was glad that he was taking my advice and seeing what is out there, but I hated the jealousy that I felt inside. I can't do that anymore. I can't have the pain of imagining him with someone else anymore. Things have to change.


	7. Ch 7 Life Decisions

**Graduation: 5/29/2005**

Justin walked across the commons and approached his mother, Molly and Brian. The new graduate hugged his mother first. "Hi, Mom."

"Hi, honey. I'm so proud of you. Congratulations. Your father sends his regards and congratulations, too."

"Thanks, Mom. Hey, Mollusk!" He hugged his little sister.

"Congrats, Justin! Boy, there's a lot of hot guys here!" She was 14 and really starting to notice boys.

Jennifer rolled her eyes. "Molly!"

Justin smiled and turned his attention to Brian. "I only see one hot guy here. Hi, Brian." They hugged. "Thanks for being here."

"Wouldn't miss it, Sunshine. Congratulations. Welcome to the world of college graduates."

"Thanks. It feels great."

Later, Brian had a few moments alone with the new graduate as he was picking up his last few things at the apartment.

"Justin, I really am very proud of you. I don't know what right I have to be proud … I didn't pay your way … I'm not your big brother … or even your partner. " He paused. "But, I've seen all that you've been through to get here and it's quite an accomplishment."

"Thanks. You've supported me in a lot of ways that you might not even realize." Justin touched the side of his face.

Brian had more to say. "You know we have this unconventional non-relationship."

"No, it _isn't_ conventional. It keeps it interesting." Justin smiled, clasping his lover's hands.

Brian looked into his eyes and then looked at their hands holding each other. "Now that you've graduated and have a job lined up I know you'll probably be making some other life decisions."

"I've been thinking a lot lately, yes." Justin agreed.

"I'd like it if you'd live with me." He looked into the blue eyes reflecting love back to his. "Justin, be my partner." Brian curled his lip under and then took a deep breath. "I don't want you or me to be with anyone else." His heart was full. He found the words hard to express, but he knew the time was right to lay it all out in the open to his lover.

Justin was taken aback at his statement. "Do you mean that you want us to be exclusive to each other?" His question was met with a nod. Justin stroked Brian's cheek and pulled him in for a kiss. "Yes, I'll live with you and be your partner." They put their arms around each other and held each other tightly.

Brian felt the emotions flood through him that he had guarded himself against all these many years. His happiness was immeasurable now as he held his partner close. He had one more thing that he knew he needed to say. "I love you."

Justin gasped and pulled back to look into the glistening hazel eyes. "I love you, too, Brian."

Their lips met for a passionate kiss, full of the warmth and emotion both were feeling.

Before they rode to the airport, Justin and Brian were in the backseat of Jennifer's car waiting for the ladies to join them.

Justin said, "I can't believe what you said to me today. I never expected to hear that from you."

"All of this time away from you has made me realize how great it is when you _are_ around. I'd _just_ get used to having you with me and then you'd be gone again. I don't want to do that anymore."

"It'll be great to be able to stay in one place and be with you."

"I want to be with you, too. Justin, I can't promise that I'll be perfect, I'll probably fuck up. I don't want to, because no one turns me on like you and no one ever will. No one has ever made me feel like you do. I can promise that I'll always come home to you, no matter what." Brian admitted.

"Living with you will make me so happy. I've had enough of college life and dating around. I haven't found anyone who makes me feel like you do. You're the only one for me."

"I still can't believe that you're saying that after all of these years. All those guys you dated … and … nobody, eh?"

"None could measure up, in _any_ way." Justin smiled as he ran his hand up Brian's thigh.

"Easy, Mr. Graduate. Your mom is walking towards the car. Don't start anything we can't finish."

"How about this, then?" Justin pulled on Brian's lapels and their lips met in a passionate kiss.

Jennifer opened the car door. "All set. Last bathroom break before …" She sat and then looked into the rear view mirror and saw her son kissing his partner. "You guys aren't going to be doing that all of the way to the airport, are you?"

They broke the kiss and Justin looked at his mom. "Maybe. Gotta pass the time somehow." He grinned at Brian, and then whispered to him. _"Can I tell her about … you know?"_ Brian nodded in agreement. Justin leaned forward to talk to his mother. "Mom, Brian has asked me to live with him and be his partner. We're going to be exclusive to each other. We … love each other."

She turned in her seat to look at them. "That's wonderful!" _(To Brian)_ "You…?" _(To Justin)_ "He…?"

Brian smirked at her lack of words. "I told him that I love him, Jennifer."

Tears formed in her eyes. _All these years and he's finally admitted it._ She put her hand on Brian's. "I always knew." He kissed her hand.

Just then Molly got in the car. "OK. Ready to go." She looked over at her mom's teary face. "You're not going to be crying all day, are you, Mom?"

Jennifer gathered herself. "It's just an emotional day … for many reasons." With one more smile into the rearview mirror, she started the car and they took off for the airport.

It was late in the evening when Jennifer dropped Brian and Justin off at the loft. They were both pretty tired from the day's events, but, then again, they were sexually charged at achieving the next level in their relationship.

Justin walked in the door and threw some things on the couch. "I need a shower. Care to join me?"

"Sounds like a plan."

Within minutes Justin had disrobed and entered the steamy shower with Brian soon to follow.

Brian took his clothes off and put them in the laundry, then followed Justin into the bathroom. _My God_, he thought, _Justin is beautiful_. He instantly remembered walking into the bathroom their first morning together, this very bathroom, that very shower, to see that very perfect ass in front of him. Hot water pouring over Justin's body, several drops going right down his back, sliding between those two perfect soft hairless globes. For a moment he was jealous of the water. Every bit of Justin had the ability to make Brian want to change.

And Justin was his. He had a number of fantasies since he'd seen Justin in this shower that very first morning. He had once told him he wanted him safe and around for a long time. He absolutely meant it, but what scared him even more than Justin not caring, was the fact that he could picture doing it. Fucking Justin's perfect ass… raw… fuck… it was enough of a thought to make him come. Justin turned around, noticed Brian staring, cock red, hard, dripping, and throbbing, seeing the heat and desire in Brian's body and eyes. Both of them thought the same thing, why the fuck did they wait so long to do this, to be exclusive.

Each licked his lips at the sight of the stunning, incredible man in front of him, both realizing that this was it, they were a couple, they belonged to each other, only. Knowing that Justin's ass belonged only to Brian, it was too fucking much. Brian walked to the shower, opened the door and grabbed Justin, pulling him against him. Justin could only stand and stare, moving with his lover as best as he could. The want, desire, need and love shining from Brian's eyes… it's what he's always wanted, and now, he had it. They both stared at each other for a moment before having to kiss, to join somehow, as close as possible, yet never close enough.

Brian parted the kiss first, he searched Justin's eyes again, seeing his love and need returned in those bright blue depths, "So, exclusive, huh?" Justin just nodded, speechless, but wondering where Brian was going. The taller man's hands trailed down Justin's body, his front, his back, like he was worshipping him.

"Does that mean that if we're actually exclusive, then in about… oh… 6 months…" he picks up a condom, Justin's eyes going wide, not believing where this conversation might be going, "we won't be needing these anymore?"

Brian's questioning, but heated gaze burned Justin from the inside. He couldn't believe it.

"Oh my God, Brian… are you… serious?"

"Well, that's why couples become exclusive, isn't it? … To be able to fuck," he enunciated that word purposely, "raw," he drawled out.

Justin moaned and attacked Brian's lips. If Brian hadn't been holding him, he would have collapsed, he knew it. Thinking about doing it raw, barebacking, no condom made Justin was so fucking hard he was dripping. He was so lost in sensation and thoughts and possibilities he was surprised when Brian broke the kiss, spinning Justin around and pinning him to wall. He pressed against Justin, against his ass, his cock sliding in between those two perfect cheeks. Fuck… that was hot, and so fucking smooth. They were skin to skin, everywhere… this felt…

"Justin," moaning into his ears, while licking his neck and freeing his hands to hold Justin's hips tighter to his and run his other hand over Justin's painfully hard cock. He knew he sounds desperate, he really didn't care, the feeling of Justin's ass on his bare cock… he couldn't help but grinding into that perfect ass. And Justin wasn't helping by gasping and fucking into Brian's hand, while grinding his ass back against Brian's cock. Justin's head rested on Brian's shoulder, barely able to stand with so much erotic energy flowing through them.

"Bri… God…"

Brian simply nodded and forced himself to let go of Justin's hip to get a condom before he came all over Justin's ass. God that sounds fucking hot. He put on the condom, the sound of the ripping package caused Justin to moan while still fucking Brian's hand. Brian lubed up his sheathed cock, imagining there being no barrier there. As he pushed into the most perfect ass he's ever had and ever will have he moaned Justin's name.

He started sliding slowly in and out, gripping Justin's cock harder, guiding his lover's thrusts with his hand on his cock. He licked up the side of Justin's neck again, the blond leaning his head to the side to accommodate Brian's lips and tongue.

"Justin." Brian growled, but with a slight question in his tone. His lover whimpered a response that was only a noise, but Brian knew he had his attention.

"I love fucking you… so tight… so hot… but imagine," he paused to make sure Justin quieted his moans to listen. "It's even hotter," he slides in again, then out, "when fucking," in again, out, "bareback," he said as he pounded in hard.

"Brian!... Fuck!" Justin shouted… coming all over Brian's hand and shower wall and floor.

The sight of Justin losing it, that fast, was such a beautiful sight, such an incredible smell, even with the running water. Brian started moving faster, ramming that ass as hard as he could, Justin's cock rapidly filling and hardening at the sensation from Brian's continual passionate assault on his over stimulated prostate. And with Brian's hand still holding his cock. He felt owned, claimed, wanted by Brian. So loved and needed, it was exhilarating.

As Brian was getting close to coming into that perfect ass, he decided to share his thoughts. "God, I can just picture it… my come filling your ass." Justin moaned at this. "Watching it drip down your thighs… knowing I'll still be in you when I pull out." Justin was nodding, rocking, weeping from the images and words and voice and Brian. "Not having to pull out… to just stay inside you." Both men were panting, barely able to breathe through the erotic haze they were in, their own sexual world filled with all sorts of possibilities. Brian pounded once, twice, three more times, jerking Justin's cock in time. "Just me, in you, raw." He shouted the last word at his release, causing Justin to come as well, again.


	8. Ch 8 Together Again

**Cohabitation: June 2005**

Justin moved in with Brian and life was good. They spent some evenings out with friends, but sometimes they chose to stay at the loft, order in and just be with each other. Justin started work at the video production company a week after graduation and things were going very well. He had some creativity on the job, but there were a lot of hours of editing and grunt work, too. All in all, though, he enjoyed the work.

**Prop 14 fundraiser: 7/17/2005**

_In mid-July there was a fundraiser for the folks against Proposition 14. The fundraiser was held at Babylon and Cyndi Lauper performed. There were hundreds of people there. Tragedy struck, though, when a bomb was set inside. The explosion killed five people and injured 15 more. Michael was critically injured and the entire circle of friends went to the hospital to stand vigil and say prayers for him._

Brian had attended the fundraiser. After all, he owned the club where it was being held. Besides, Justin was supportive of the cause and convinced him that he should attend. They were standing next to each other as the blast went off. Neither of them had any serious injuries.

After Michael regained consciousness and it looked like he was doing better, Brian and Justin returned to the loft exhausted from all of the events tied to the bombing. They showered together, washing the soot from the explosion from their bodies. They held each other close.

**Brian's POV**

What a totally fucked up thing to have happen. A bomb! The concern over the club itself is nothing compared to how I feel about Mikey getting hurt and … the deaths. Lindsay and Mel's good friend Dusty is dead. How is her partner, Julie, going to deal with that with two little kids?

Things like this just put everything into perspective. I'm most thankful that Justin isn't hurt. I would die if I had lost him. I'm standing here holding him and we are hardly speaking, we are so overcome with emotion and exhaustion. I look over his beautiful body, examining it for any scratches or signs of injury. I wash the black debris from his golden hair and try to imagine life without him. I can't. I love him so much.

**Justin's POV**

I'm so tired. I can't believe what has happened in the last two days. The bombing … Michael … Dusty … the others. Thank God I have Brian to hold onto and that we're both all right. It means so much to me that we could be together during this and have each other for support. I love him so much.

**End POV**

They dried each other off, finished their nightly routine and climbed into bed.

"I don't know if I'm going to be able to sleep." Justin said.

"Just try. I'll hold you." Brian closed his eyes as he smelled his partner's hair, fresh from the shampoo.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

Justin's body curled into Brian's and they slept in each other's embrace.

**Recovery: 7/19/2005**

The next morning Brian went to work at Kinnetik. Many people at the office were affected, directly or indirectly, by the bombing. Brian tried to talk to everyone and do what he could to raise morale, but he, too, was shaken.

Justin went to work too, but only managed to get in a half a day before he told his boss that he was too distracted to complete the day. His boss understood and let him take the time he needed.

Brian left work in the early afternoon, too, and went to the hospital to visit Michael, who was just waking up from a nap. Ben was by his side. As Brian entered the room he and Ben hugged each other in greeting. They shared a love for Michael and his critical condition brought them closer. Any problems Brian might have initially had with Ben were not important now as he realized how much the two husbands loved each other.

Brian offered, "Ben, if you want to take a break, I'll stay with Mikey for awhile."

"Well, I could use something to eat."

"You go on, then. I'll stay here until you get back."

"Thanks, Brian." To Michael he said, "I'll be right back." He kissed the patient on the forehead and then left the room.

Michael spoke softly to Brian. "Hey, it's good to see you. Are you OK? And Justin?"

"We're good. Just a few scratches. How are you feeling?"

"Like a truck hit me. Pain killers are a wonderful thing."

Brian smiled, and then got a little more serious. "Ben looks tired. He's really been here for you. I don't think he's slept."

"He's amazing. I love him and his strength."

"He loves you very much." Brian leaned over closer to his friend. "Me too, Mikey. Always have. Always will." He gave Michael a gentle kiss.

"I know. I love you, too."

Brian got choked up and held Michael's hand. He took a minute to gather himself and then looked at Michael. "So, married life agrees with you, then?"

"Yes, Brian. I know you think it's some pseudo-heterosexual ritual that gay people do…"

"No." Brian interrupted.

"No? Do you mean you've changed your mind?"

Brian shrugged. He still had emotions running through him that were almost too much for him. He sighed and said, "I don't think about it the same way I used to. Things are different now."

"Does that mean that you'd actually consider asking Justin to marry you?"

"Maybe." He shrugged again. "I figure it'd make him happy."

"Like you've ever done anything _you_ didn't want to do."

Brian just smiled at his friend. He knew him well.

Michael said, "He loves you very much and I know you love him."

"I've told him so."

"That's great! So, what are you waiting for?"

"Tell ya what … the _next_ time I see him …"

They heard a knock at the door and Justin was standing there. "Hi. Am I interrupting?"

Michael stifled a laugh and said, "Justin! I was just asking about you."

"Hey." Brian stood to hug Justin, then shot Michael a 'don't say anything' glance.

"Hey." Justin turned his attention to Michael. "You're looking better. At least you're smiling."

"I'm doing OK. I know I saw you briefly yesterday, but I was just confirming with Brian that you came out of it relatively unscathed."

"Yeah, I'm fine."

At this point Brian was behind Justin, embracing him with his arms around him protectively. Justin turned his head to kiss Brian. Michael looked at his best friend and marveled at the look of love that was on his face. _They're really in love. God Bless them both._

Their conversation continued until Ben returned with his lunch. Brian and Justin said their goodbyes and they left the hospital.

"So, you're out of work early?" Brian asked.

"Yeah. I couldn't concentrate. I'll be OK by tomorrow I think. You, too, eh?"

"I wanted to see Mikey."

"He looks good. I'm glad he's going to be OK."

"Me, too." Brian hugged Justin again. Their lips met for a tender kiss. "Hey, let's go out to dinner tonight and get our mind off of things."

"OK. I was just going to go home now. Are you going back to work?"

"No, but I have an errand to run. I'll be home in an hour or so. OK?"

"Sounds good. 'Love you."

"'Love you, too. Later."

Brian ran his errand and then met up with Justin at the loft. They went out to one of their favorite restaurants and had a nice meal. After dinner they decided to walk in the park. The flower vendor was there and Brian, in an unusually romantic gesture, bought a rose for Justin. They sat on a bench near a fountain.

"You really _have_ changed, Brian. This flower is beautiful. Thank you."

"The flower is no more beautiful than you are. I'm constantly amazed by you."

Justin blushed. No matter how long they were together, Brian could still make him blush. "I'm constantly amazed at how you can surprise me." He pulled on Brian's lapels until their lips met. "And how _hot_ you can make me all of the time, gorgeous."

"Mmmm. We're hot together." Their lips met again. This time, though, tongues came into play as the passion arose.

Brian was the first to speak after the kiss. "This has been quite the summer for you. Graduated from college. Got a job. Moved in with your handsome partner who declared his love for you."

"Not bad, eh?"

"So, how about marrying me?"

"What?"

Brian got a small jewelry store box from his pocket and opened it, revealing two golden bands inside. "Marry me."

"Brian, I …" Justin stammered. "I don't know what to say." He touched the rings. "Are you sure you're not just reacting to the bombing and Michael and …"

"I told you weeks ago that I loved you. I asked you to move in with me and be my partner and be monogamous. All of those things should let you know my feelings."

Justin knew there was a certain level of commitment there. "I know, but marriage?"

"After seeing Ben with Michael the last couple of days and even seeing how Lindsay and Mel pulled together after the bombing … it all made me think about us. I need to make the commitment to you, Justin. I want to marry you, do the full legal partnership and everything to protect you financially if anything happens to me."

"You're serious about this then?" Justin scanned Brian's face and looked deeply into his hazel eyes.

"I've never meant anything more."

Justin took a few more seconds to really look at his lover's face and see what it expressed. He could see the sincerity and emotion there. It was enough for Justin to make up his mind. "Yes. Yes, I'll marry you."

Brian could have almost cried, he was so unbelievably happy to have this wonderful man agree to marry him. Not just marry him, he knew any marriage could fail, but Justin chose him. Always had chosen him, every single fucking time, and if that didn't make him proud to have Justin, he didn't know what did. Was it possible he proposed because of the bombing? Yes, but only because it made him realize how fleeting life could be. Justin was bashed, he had had cancer, Mikey almost died in an explosion… the thought of something else happening at any time, without having Justin by his side, it was too much to imagine.

He not only hadn't tricked since he told Justin he wanted to be monogamous, but he wasn't even tempted. He still was amazed at how long it took him to realize that he didn't need to go looking for approval anywhere else when he had this hot, courageous, brave, successful man waiting at home for him.

Brian and Justin kissed like it was the last kiss they would ever have and wanted to devour each other to savor every moan, every breath, every taste. They silently agreed to go home, both more than ready to consummate this soon to be official and legal relationship.

As they entered the loft they kissed and Justin went to the bedroom, while Brian shut the door and locked up for the night. As he approached the bed he saw Justin, kneeling, naked, and waiting for him. _He's beautiful, and he's mine_. Brian undressed and, as he finished, retrieved the ring box. He knelt in front of Justin and they looked at each other with eyes of love, both feeling happiness in this moment. Brian opened the box, pulled out the smaller ring and put it on Justin's finger, searching the young man's eyes, enthralled by the love, need, desire and devotion shining back at him. He saw the delight and awe at the stunning, glorious, triumphant look on Justin's face. With shaky hands, Justin repeated the gesture with Brian's ring on his left hand. Both men allowed a few tears to escape, overcome with the love they felt, and were able to show. Soon they would be showing everyone what they meant to each other. As they were kneeling in front of each other it was almost as if they were not only worshipping each other, but silently praying for a lifetime of happiness with each other. And they both couldn't wait.


End file.
